The Reality Of It All

I have had so many people tell me I make being a mom look easy, but there are so many things people don't see. Taking care of a baby is not hard. I can handle the up all nights, and the diaper changes, and constant feedings. It's the emotional impact a baby has on your life that is difficult. It is emotionally draining. I wake up daily wondering if I am making all the right decisions for my son, trying to figure out how I'm going to tell him when he's older why he doesn't have a dad, and dealing with the lonliness that comes with being a single mom. I feel like I constantly have to prove myself and my parenting decisions to everyone just to get out of the category "teen mother."

Being a mom has changed a lot of relationships in my life, some that needed mending and some that I wish I could get back. Camden has brought my family a lot closer. My sister and me actually talk, we go out together, My mom and I can have a conversation for longer than ten minutes without screaming, my grandma comes over at least once a week. Camden has kind of been the glue in the family we were lacking to bring us all together. 

But, it is so difficult to keep relationships with people my age. I think I have trouble keeping relationships with people my age because I can't relate to them anymore. There is only so much "baby talk" some people can take before they get bored of it I guess. I try to keep up with friends I had before Camden, but in the end we are just at two different places in our life and all we can manage is a quick "how's everything going?" before the conversation dies, but I expected it would be this way when I got pregnant anyways. No matter how difficult it gets, I wouldn't change a thing. Having Camden made me the person I always wanted to be, he makes me proud of who I have become. 

I find myself taking interest in things i never thought i would before. I love photography, maybe it's just because I have something (or someone) to take pictures of now, but i was never interested in it before having Camden. I also love anything crafts related. I want to paint and sew and do anything that involves being a "homemaker" I guess. I also decided what I really want to go to school for. I always wanted to be in healthcare that will never change, but I want to become a certified nurse midwife. I would help woman during labor, or woman seeking a home birth. I guess it's easy to say my child saved my life. I feel like I was born to be a mom.