My 5 Month Old

I haven't made a post in awhile. I don't really know why either. I have just been feeling overwhelmed lately trying to figure out how I'm going to go to school, work, and take care of Camden the way I want him cared for. If I could snap my fingers and have anything I wanted I would want to be a stay at home mom so I wouldn't have to miss a minute of anything. I think I was meant to be a mom. On a different note, Camden is now five months old and he amazes me every minute. He is so aware of everything that's around him. He grabs toys and tries to put everything in his mouth. We have yet to start solids and I think he is quite content with just a bottle right now.

I can't believe next month he will be half a year old. It has gone by way too fast. It kind of scares me how fast it's going. I feel like if I close my eyes he's already going to be a year old. Camden had his first Christmas this month and he was spoiled like crazy. He has more toys and clothes than any 5 month old possibly needs. 

Last Year

One year ago today I was scared to death of what my life would be like on this date today. I knew I was going to have a baby, but I had no idea what that meant then. Camden's dad had just left, my dad didn't want me having a baby alone, and no one else knew I was pregnant besides my best friend. Waking up was a constant struggle for me, I would sit and spend my days scared and alone with no one to talk to. The only reason I'm writing about this now is to remind myself how far I have come from last year. This has been one of the hardest, most stressful, but amazing and beautiful years of my life. I have my son to thank for all of that, for who I am right now. The truth is, the only thing that got me through the year was him. I remember putting my hand on my not so big baby bump last year and telling Camden that I would be enough for him, good enough, strong enough, just enough. People always say how they feel sorry for me, that I'm doing it alone, but I'm not. If I wasn't doing this by myself I would probably be the same person I was last year, selfish, always caring what other people thought, relying on other people to make feel better. Sometimes you need a little struggle to find out how strong you can really be.

Baby Fever

I feel like I'm twenty five, maybe older. I never really wanted the whole college party life experience. I want the married, cooking my husband dinner, having a family kind of experience, and I want it now. I know it will be a long time before I get that because there is no one my age mature enough to want that and I have to keep reminding myself I am only 18. I don't know if it's just baby fever that I'm feeling or if I'm just dying to have a family, but I can't wait for it. Maybe I should buy another puppy...

Sitting Up

Yesterday was awful. Camden is still sick and it's not getting any better. He was overly clingy and cried all day long. He woke up at 4 in the morning and wouldn't take a bottle, he just wanted to be held and wanted me to do it standing up apparently. So there I was running on two hours of sleep walking back and forth in my room with a crying baby, it's times like that I wish I had just a little bit of help. I tried to get him to take a nap but he just wasn't having it. By the time I realized it, it was ten at night and I hadn't eaten or showered all day (or changed out of my pajamas). Camden even sounds sick, his cry sounds raspy. I have to do some research on how to clear a baby's sinuses because obviously the steam from the shower did not help and neither did the nasal aspirator, that just pissed him off. I know I should probably get a humidifier, but I am tapped out of money from Christmas and Camden drinking formula like it's going out of style.

I thought when I put him to bed last night that I would be having a long sleepless night, but I guess all the crying during the day wore him out because he slept until 6 this morning. Thank god, because I definitely needed that extra rest. 

On another note, Camden sits up so well now. He still needs a little help by holding on to my fingers but otherwise it is all him. My guess is in a few weeks he will be sitting by himself without the help of a pillow or my hands. I can't believe my baby is sitting up, It's a little sad to think about I don't want him to grow up too fast. What's even scarier is that Camden is now putting a lot of pressure on his legs.

He loves to stand up. He actually throws a fit if I try to lie him on his back anymore. I was getting worried because for awhile he wouldn't put any pressure on his legs at all, but one morning he woke up and could all of a sudden stand for a could 15-20 seconds (with my help of course) 

Battling A Cold

Camden is still battling this cold of his. It is making it very hard for any sleep for either of us. Since I usually co sleep with him I feed him his bottle in the bed, it just makes it easier on both of us. He was having trouble taking his bottle because he can't breathe through his nose and he was getting frustrated every time he would have to stop eating to take a breath. After he was done eating he starting coughing because he doesn't understand he has a stuffy nose and he threw up all over me and my clean sheets. So at 2 in the morning I had to strip the bed, put on new sheets change my clothes and clean him off. I'm going to try sitting him in the shower to see if the steam helps clear his nose because I want to avoid giving him medication by any means.

You wouldn't even know he was sick by looking at him because he is always smiling and laughing.